Michael Jackson

Farrah Fawcett dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets her at the Pearly Gates and says he will grant her one wish on behalf of all humanity. After a few moments she replies, “I wish for all the world’s children to be happy and safe.”

So God kills Michael Jackson.

RIP Michael Jackson

Breaking news! King of Pop, Michael Jackson found dead!

On a lighter note, Madeline McCann has been found alive in Jacko’s closet.

But given that Michael Jackson was recently reported to be suffering from skin cancer, the coroner is not sure yet if the real cause of death should be blamed on the sunshine… or the moonlight, the good times or the boogie, but at this time he suspects it was the boogie.

And after the obduction, he is not going to be buried or cremated. Michael Jackson will be recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic, and a danger to any kids who play with him.

As a result, his upcoming London dates have been cancelled… they were James, age 8 and Francis, age 9.

Expect reissues of his back catalogue to be in production and in the shops in a matter of days. A new double Greatest Hits on the shelves by the end of July. The definitive DVD and a plethora of unofficial biographies in time for Christmas. Family fighting over his estate will start by the end of next week. Rumours over whether he’s actually dead or not to begin circulating by sun down. — BS.Dos.

Addendum 30-06-2009:

Q: How many people does it take to break the Internet?
A: Just one: Michael Jackson.

On June 25, we found out who that one is: The gloved one. Michael Jackson.

“The biggest showbiz story of the year saw the troubled star take a good slice of the Internet with him, as the ripples caused by the news of his death swept around the globe”, nearly bringing Google, CNN, and Twitter to their knees. Even “Wikipedia saw a flurry of activity, with close to 500 edits made to Jackson’s entry in less than 24 hours.”

Similarly, sales of Michael Jackson’s albums have gone through the roof.

“His albums took the top 15 slots on Amazon.com top 50 album downloads. The story was the same on iTunes where the late singer’s albums dominated seven out of the ten top slots on the site.”

Columnist Andrew Sullivan, on his blog for The Nation magazine, wrote that he grieved for Jackson “but I also grieve for the culture that created and destroyed him.”  “That culture is ours, and it is a lethal and brutal one: With fame and celebrity as its core values, with money as its sole motive, it chewed this child up and spat him out,” Sullivan wrote. “I hope he has the peace now he never had in his life. And I pray that such genius will not be so abused again.”

His personal troubles and demons aside, the world has lost a star — one that actually got brighter and whiter and more bizarre as it faded. Clearly, he was an inspiration and a hero to many, and the butt of many childish jokes to others.

Personally, I’d have been happy for him it if his 50-date (!!) London concerts at the O2 (and subsequent new musical offerings, surely) would’ve returned him to the top form he had in the 80’s. But he didn’t. He checked out prior to that. I was sad when John Lennon got killed. I nearly cried when Freddie Mercury died. I was upset that Kurt Cobain offed himself.

As for MJ? Meh.

Photo credit: USMC

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