Announcing hmvh.net

Posted on Tuesday, 27. October 2009 by hmvh

hmvh.net header

In May of 2007 I wrote the following introductory blog post:

[…] Whereas the previous main page was nothing more than a menu pointing to another list of text- and increasingly graphic jokes and humour, with the odd smitten of personal anecdotes thrown in for good measure, this new! improved! layout is still little more than a blog pointing to lists of text- and increasingly graphic jokes and humour, with more personal anecdotes thrown in for good measure […]

[…] it will, however, allow me to […] gather my thoughts, streamline my ideas, and organise my projects. As with all earth-shattering concepts, this remains a work in progress and the layout will, for the time being, remain as is, with changes and minor tinkering taking place as the mood or boredom strikes, or when some cool new widget and feature out there tickles my fancy. And, as with life in the biological and physical domain, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Certain is that someday we’ll get our own domain and server space. Certain is that it’ll include a blog of some sorts. Certain is that it’ll include and feature content that can be seen here. Certain is also that it’ll include links and pages of mine that are spread all over free-hosting land – past, present and certainly future. How exactly it’ll all be tied together remains uncertain. Uncertain is also when this is all going to take place.

Well, it’s certainly taken place now.

Ironically, as Geocities is about to die (I’m quite sure I had some loose pages on there at some point), hmvh.net has just been born.

The baby is alive and well.

We have us a basic front page with links to personas and profiles all over free hosting and web 2.0-land and various other sites of interest. The/this blog remains powered by Google’s competent free service (although WordPress is starting to look mighty attractive) has already been migrated to WordPress, and additional database-powered content will follow slowly and gradually. Lots of it.

The baby is hungry. It wants to be fed.

In hindsight, the introductory blog posting was rather prophetic.

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Cassette Project #3: Status Update

Posted on Thursday, 15. October 2009 by hmvh

Old audio tapes

This morning I was given another 80+ cassette tapes.

It’s not that I asked for them or anything, they just got dumped on my desk since it seems that I’ve become the guy in the building with a reputation for collecting old equipment, electronica, and media.

Ironically, I want no more tapes. Now is simply the worst time to give me any.

Continue reading →

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Telephobia

Posted on Thursday, 10. September 2009 by hmvh

It’s not often that I rave about a particular piece of hardware.

It’s rarer, even, that I rave about one that I don’t own myself.

Behold then this very blog posting where I will rave about a telephone — a mobile phone, to be more specific.

Quite in contrast to the industry that pays my rent, I don’t really care much for phones of any kind. It’s a gadget that just doesn’t rattle my cage much.

In fact, I almost hate phones. They’re a necessary evil — a mere tool that aids in the verbal transfer of information from one person to another. Nothing more. You pick up the phone, press a sequence of digits, hope the person at the other end answers, say what you need to say, and hang up. End of conversation, end of line.

Continue reading →

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Inglourious Basterds

Posted on Tuesday, 8. September 2009 by hmvh

Nazi Humour?

What a hoot!

Despite the miscasting of Til Schweiger and Eli Roth, it’s good to see QT back in fine form again after the self-indulgent wank that Grindhouse was.

And it’ll be a war crime if Christoph Waltz doesn’t get an Oscar.

Image credit: Unknown

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When Microsoft attempts racial profiling

Posted on Tuesday, 1. September 2009 by hmvh

Last week the web was all atwitter aflutter about Microsoft’s poor photoshopping skills.

And the fact that they had to resort to photoshopping in the first place. And a certain something that didn’t get photoshopped.

Accusations of racism, sexism, ethnicism, and stigmatisation were flung as far and wide as traditional and new media coverage from Argentina to Zimbabwe permitted.

Clearly, a lot of black males were outraged and a many a white male may have felt patronised but were it not merely the benign demographic republic of geekdom that ultimately was insulted, this minor tempest in a tea cup could easily have become a global shitstorm in a Polish pisspot.

Most people probably just shook their heads and laughed.

Well, what likely happened was that sometime last year (based on the 2008 © notice) Microsoft had someone design a suitable web page for their Business Productivity Infrastructure product, “a unified infrastructure that simplifies the way your people communicate, share expertise, gain business insight and find information.”

To further describe the BPI product and flesh out the page, the designer added a standard stock photo featuring three people sitting in a board room, sporting wide and silly grins at whatever they’re being shown via a projector.

Note my use of the term “people”. The advert uses it, too.

Unsuitable demographic

The offending picture is a nice, generic, neutral, bland, unexciting, nondescript, non-provocative, brand-unspecific (and, dare I say, “politically-correct”) photo of a random bunch of white-collar workers/executives (read: people) sitting in a meeting somewhere… almost anywhere, in fact.

It can safely be said that whoever created the image for use as a stock photo did it with maximum saleability to a western market in mind. Heck, they could’ve sold toothpaste or office furniture with that picture if they wanted to! Continue reading →

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Generation Upload

Posted on Saturday, 15. August 2009 by hmvh

During the normal course of traversing the wide wastelands and heinous hinterlands of the internet, the average surfer collects not only drive-by downloads and cookies, but also passwords.

We collect, we save, we bookmark, and sometimes we sign up.

We sign up because, at that moment in time, a particular service or site fills our immediate needs and purposes. Tomorrow your needs, purposes and mindset are different, and only your browsing history reminds us of where we’ve been — but not why we’ve been there or what it is that compelled us to go there in the first place.

Continue reading →

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Is it an ism, or is it art?

Posted on Saturday, 25. July 2009 by hmvh

Continuing the previous rant about plastic toys, children, and madness, allow me to present to you the “work” of one Kenny Irwin.

Kenny Irwin art comes in many unique forms from using bic ball point pens to draw with to weaving xmas lights into textiles to microwaving everyday retail products into other worldly creatures and building giant robots out of your junk and much much more. Kenny Irwin art is endorsed and featured by AVAM and is the talk of the town and the talk of the world. Owning a Kenny Irwin original means owning something everyone talks about. From the internationally renowned dOvetastic Microwave Theater comes this state of the “art” work of art worthy of a place in the Guggenheim Museum sign and dated by Artist Kenny Irwin. Comes with free stylish display stand. Your item is guaranteed to have been microwaved or your money back. Remember, microwaving food is for morons. Price is non-negotiable.

While I’m not quite sure which world this man lives in or what imaginary town he’s the talk of, I, personally, am most certainly a fan of recycling and refunctioning redundant and otherwise derelict pieces of everyday consumerism. I hate wastage.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, right?

What boggles the mind, however, is that not only does this individual take (presumably working) cellphones, gaming consoles, XO-1 laptops and whatever else could prove entertaining, interesting, or symbolic, shoves them into a monster of a microwave oven, films the entire destructive process (“don’t try this at home, kids”), then sticks a few beady eyes and what have you onto what remains, and sells it off.

As art. For charity.

OLPC Slug?

This artwork is created through the unique art of microwaving by one of the most prominent entertainers and artists on the web. Kenny Irwin originals are projected to only increase in value as a collectors items and museums and media take notice of the world renowned art by Kenny Irwin that is unlike anything the world has seen before. 80% Of the proceeds frpom this auction goes directly to the OLPC Foundation. That is over $20,000, enough to buy 100 Laptops for children from the sale of this one microwaved artwork. [sic]

Devoted readers of this blog may have gathered that I’ve begun collecting (old) laptops for a variety of (as-yet unspecified) projects, and those who actually know me would also be aware that I detest throwing out functional equipment just because it’s “old”. It may even come as a surprise that I’m about as charitable as the next guy. Continue reading →

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When people are mad, toys go bad

Posted on Sunday, 12. July 2009 by hmvh

Speaking of plastic parts that pose choking hazards for children, the other day I came happened across this somewhat disturbing product from the house of Playmobil:

Evil PlaymobilProduct Description from the manufacturer: “The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare change and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no time to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!”

These tongue-in-cheek amazon.com customer reviews below say it all:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I’ve heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I’ll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).

Continue reading →

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