When people are mad, toys go bad

Speaking of plastic parts that pose choking hazards for children, the other day I came happened across this somewhat disturbing product from the house of Playmobil:

Evil PlaymobilProduct Description from the manufacturer: “The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare change and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no time to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!”

These tongue-in-cheek amazon.com customer reviews below say it all:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I’ve heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I’ll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).

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Michael Jackson

Farrah Fawcett dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets her at the Pearly Gates and says he will grant her one wish on behalf of all humanity. After a few moments she replies, “I wish for all the world’s children to be happy and safe.”

So God kills Michael Jackson.

RIP Michael Jackson

Breaking news! King of Pop, Michael Jackson found dead!

On a lighter note, Madeline McCann has been found alive in Jacko’s closet.

But given that Michael Jackson was recently reported to be suffering from skin cancer, the coroner is not sure yet if the real cause of death should be blamed on the sunshine… or the moonlight, the good times or the boogie, but at this time he suspects it was the boogie.

And after the obduction, he is not going to be buried or cremated. Michael Jackson will be recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic, and a danger to any kids who play with him.

As a result, his upcoming London dates have been cancelled… they were James, age 8 and Francis, age 9.

Expect reissues of his back catalogue to be in production and in the shops in a matter of days. A new double Greatest Hits on the shelves by the end of July. The definitive DVD and a plethora of unofficial biographies in time for Christmas. Family fighting over his estate will start by the end of next week. Rumours over whether he’s actually dead or not to begin circulating by sun down. — BS.Dos. Continue reading

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Five years and good dope

Yesterday was my 5th ‘ogsday.

Five years of discogs.

Under this account. Signed up and as an active contributor… not just a frenetic researcher. Five years of deciphering cryptic codes and punctuation and matrix codes on CDs and tapes and records and figuring out and defining relationships between this label and that licensee, this company and that pressing plant, or this band and its members who don’t wish to be associated with the band anymore.

Five years of some very late nights. Five years of madness.

In those five years I’ve probably certainly pissed off a great deal of users and people: The most recent conversation ended with a simple and final “fuck you” from a sound engineer who missed the point of the site by miles and, as chance would have it, happens to have his studio just a few away. He could’ve done with a good smack in the mouth.

Oh, it’s fun sometimes. And it’s frustrating at other times.

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Tape2PC: Reprise

I’ve been wanting to digitise my old tape collection for several years.

I had the hardware, in 2002 I got some software.

Lacking was a tape deck. Any semi-decent old tape deck would’ve done the job — providing it had line-out jacks. In 2003 a colleague was flogging his old HiFi, all I needed was the tape deck, and so I ended up with a Sharp RT-100 — a plain and simple unit that finally got to do its intended job five years later!

And people still have tapes. Plenty of them. Yes, I have also been given some more. And for every one of those tapes there must be a million idling away in someone’s drawer somewhere. And one day, those people will want to listen to them again and/or drag their contents into the 21st century. And for those people there are new products which allow you to…

Rediscover your tapes! Digitize your cassettes with TapeLink USB. This dual-cassette deck enables your to store your irreplaceable recordings on hard disk, flash, burn them to CD, or take them with you on your iPod.

Its CD-quality 16-bit, 44.1 kHz audio output accurately captures your tape recordings for secure digital archival.

Amazing sales pitch, innit?

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Project Tape2MP3: Completed!

This, dear readers, is all that remains of my tape collection: One USB stick.

AGFA vs. SilverPearl

Twenty years of collecting and nurturing an audio cassette collection have been reduced to nothing more than one 16GB USB flash drive’s worth of bits. Just to put the scale of things into another perspective, take a look at this picture:

A lot of cassettes

Yes, that’s the same USB stick stuck slap-bang in the middle of the shelves, and that’s only some 200 tapes visible in the front layer of the cabinet (not the original collection though). More than this amount of music (data) and the shelf space it occupies have been condensed into what would fit onto that little dongle there.

OK, enough with the dramatic exaggeration already: Reality is somewhat different, and it’s some of these little facts, observations and anecdotes I will share with my non-existent readers here.

If you’re not interested in reading about some guy and his stupid tape collection, then leave now. Go away.

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Second Anniversary

In case anybody’s actually noticed, today marks the second year of this blog’s existence.

As a proper blog, that is — and on blogger.com, to be more specific.

And what we have noticed over the past two years is an interesting shift in web browser usage.

Sure, IE still rules the roost, with Firefox picking up a good quarter of the slack. Opera, Safari, and Chrome are trailing behind but it’s a pack of non-computer-based browsers that are making inroads as of late. Nokia and Symbian are two new “operating systems” looming on the horizon, and the Wii and PS3 are making up nearly a full percent of gadgetry used to browse the interwebs with, as these (capped) statistics show:

Browser statistics

Another interesting trend can be seen in everyone’s favourite internet disease: spam!

The monkeys are constantly adjusting the “topic” of the crap they (are paid to) spew, preying on our very curiosity and fascination with the weird and sensationalist, using topics such as “Tourist raped painting”, “Al Pacino peed publically”, “Jolie got on tape”, “Hideous KFC employees’ bet”, and “I was there, filming his death” — which speak volumes about what real people like you and me send to our own friends and colleagues in the normal course of a business day.

There’s little doubt that our Chinese and Russian spammers and Nigerian con-artist mugus are equally adept at observing web trends, adjusting their strategies in tune with current news and interests. Soon, you can expect email from Susan Boyle or Rihanna trying to coax you to visit their web sites in Hong Kong from where they gladly accept PayPal in return for little blue pills, enticing you with not song but such poetry as “Embrace the future of massive size”, “Be the Bigger Man”, “Women will bake you pies because of your mega size”, “The touch of your big penis will be like the touch of an angel for women”, “Your meat will be so cool women will ask for a second helping”, “If you were born in Los Angles, you better have a huge tool”, “Your school boy hook will change to the university adult hook”, and “Your large tool will be as big as a champagne bottle.”

Me kids you not; these are genuine spam subject lines.

One can only but wonder if they’re funny on purpose or if the poor grammar is intentional. If there’s one growth area (pun intended) despite the economic meltdown, it’s surely in combating spam.

Crime does pay. Except that it’s not just perpetrators who stand to gain from it.

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Of tapes, laptops, and Freddie Mercury

Monday was a rather exciting day.

I was given another 60 or so audio tapes. And there are more coming.

I was also given two laptops; a Dell Inspiron 4000, and an ancient AST Ascentia 900N. Today an IBM Thinkpad 560N joined the collection of outdated and antiquated hardware. And there might be more coming!

All for free, of course, all from different generous colleagues, and all hopefully quite capable (a few tweaks and minor upgrades aside) of fulfilling the silly thoughts and ideas of future projects and functions currently buzzing through my cranium.

Linux/FreeBSD/DOS, here we come!

So where does THIS go?

Then there was discogs.

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Conan the Wikipedian

One could almost expect Wikipedia to have an article on just about every conceivable subject and topic by now — depending on “notability“, of course.

And when a topic is notable and search engine queries yield no results other than people in forums asking “hey, whatever happened to…” and you happen to have done your own research and do have some of those answers which would otherwise go to waste, well… then what?

You go ahead and write the missing article yourself.

Wikipussy

So there. Let’s watch it mutate and survive in the wild.

Footnote: The article is also part of a personal experiment.

Image credits: Unknown

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