New Dickhead of State

Well, well! So Obama’s the new head of state.

The erection election circus is finally over; MILF Palin will be packing her bags and knocked-up teenage daughter and heading back home, close to the frigid border of Siberia. It’ll also be business as usual for McCain, except he’s returning to a far drier state.

Whatever the outcome of the election would’ve been, it was certainly going to be different — and “different” is a synonym for “change”.

Whether bad or good, only time will tell. A new era, they say, virgin territory — and at least Bush will be gone, and that alone is a pretty slick improvement.

The big O!

And I believe there’s a goat with big testicles (a sign of virility) being slaughtered in Kenya in Obama’s honour, too.

Image credits: headostate.com

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(Re)discovering MiniDisc

About two weeks ago I got myself a MiniDisc player/recorder.

Other than browsing through some pop/rock MD albums at Heathrow Airport several years ago (back when they were still considered a “current” media format) I had never had first-hand experience with the actual hardware, so I couldn’t skip the opportunity when a colleague was selling all his gear via the company bulletin board.

40 bucks later I was the proud owner of a Denon DMD-1300 recorder, and a few discs thrown in for good measure.

This particular unit was released/manufactured in 1997, at a time when CDs had firmly established themselves as the de-facto standard for pre-recorded music and consumers were getting tired of the old analogue cassette.

Then, of course, there’s the “tape” factor. Tapes (or rather, the cartridges) contain moving parts and succumb to mechanical stresses. Tape can jam and get mangled, and tapes lack the benefit of “random access”, a reputation even its successors were unable to shake off. Outside of professional use, even DAT had never really found favour with the public at large, and the DCC, however clever and promising a transitional format, was stillborn — all on account of unfortunate timing and due to the fact that consumers themselves are reluctant to commit to a format that has no track record. This was again proven by the recent HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray hold-out, confirming that most people would not have chosen the red pill.

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The story of Moshzilla

Over the last few days, yours truly has been wading through the murky waters of his hard drives, filtering out some debris in the form of unused downloads and old, forgotten, cobwebbed files. It was then that I stumbled over the extended left leg of a dancing girl named “Sam” — or “Little Sam” as she is known to friends and family (according to her defunct myspace.com/littlesamxxx profile).

Everyone else on the interwebs knows her as “Moshzilla”.

Therefore, at the risk of flogging a horse that’s been dead for well over three years and continuing my previous discussion about internet culture and memes in general, allow me to regurgitate the sordid tale of the unfortunate soul sometimes also dubbed “Skankzilla”.

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Nothing important happened today…

…not counting the fact that I’ve converted a batch of tapes originally recorded in 1983.

Some play properly no more.

Some need a little more persuasion than just adhesive tape and a screwdriver and the promise of a digital hereafter. Some are really messed up. Some are truly and genuinely screwed up. No matter how carefully and obsessively you (thought you) looked after those tapes by storing them in a cool, dark, dry place, far away from anything that could possibly generate a magnetic field, some of the mechanics and materials have started to fail. That’s because the earlier ones were cheap, rubbish no-brand tapes. That’s because they’re from 1983 and before.

And that’s 25 years ago… a quarter of a century, people!

Fuck, I am getting ancient.

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Motivation

I ain’t got none.

I’m tired. Uninspired.

Put up a poster and hope it provides some oomphff. Yeah, right! Not here. Fuckit.

Motifake

It’s the routine of caffeine and nicotine that make the monotony of each day bearable as we look forward to the monthly paycheck and the great gig in the sky after the final dinner with the worms.

Booze, porn and video games help, too, while for the happy-clappy and bright-eyed airheads amongst us someone’s gone and made a million-dollar business out of “Motivational Posters” because…

“in our world of instant gratification, people desperately want to believe that there are simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound.”

And greed. Greed’s a great motivator. Greed is good. Greed makes hungry. Jealousy also works well, as does a dose of plagiarism — like those nice ‘n cynical entrepreneurs at despair.com have done. Your misery = my profit. Add pinch of salt to taste.

Needless to say, these delightfully disparaging “demotivational posters” have since mutated into their very own viral artform, variations of which have already wormed their way into all corners of the interwebs as one of the current memes, all the more curious when mated with LOLcats. And since we’ve been discussing internet culture and, for reasons beyond us, this blog is infested with felines, how about this four-eared specimen? It’s just a matter of time before Yoda is also given the LOLcats treatment.

Mind you, it’s not all doom and gloom: Today’s sift through the spam folder included the following gem, purportedly sent by “Top News Agency” with the headline “Aliens Are Gay Says Astronaut”.

The rest of the article goes on to say that…

Former Astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell – a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission – claims aliens are gay and that they are responsible for many of the earth’s ills including global warming, war, disease and The View.

…while from “kakoli Worcester” came the sensational message that “Paris Hilton’s vagina bites mailman!

Perhaps not quite motivational but awe-inspiring shit nonetheless!

Image credits: Unknown

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X Files + Tapes = August, part 2

In other exciting news, I finally completed watching the entire X Files series via this box set, which I bought as far back as Christmas 2005!

X Files Box Set

As is to be expected in the entertainment industry (note the “industry” part), this once-canonical box set has since been superseded by another; not just in a snazzier cardboard box but one that also includes the X Files movie, which chronologically falls inbetween seasons 5 and 6 of the total of nine seasons. Of course, the new set wouldn’t include the recent big-screen movie (which I have yet to see), so here’s predicting that we’ll be seeing another, even more definitive box set someday soon — until the next movie, that is.

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Rufus + Google + Monsters = August, part 1

A few months ago, my South African DJ friend Rufus Blairgowrie tracked me down again.

Rufus is a very strange individual, full of energy and zest, horny as hell, and can be quite the boor. He usually says what he thinks and takes no prisoners when doing so. And he recently got himself broadband access… which could spell the end of the internet.

Hide your women and daughters!

If nothing else, Rufus is a capable DJ and has his rare moments of sheer brilliance. The most recent one was when he suggested that I revamp and rename the old email dumping grounds — which apparently had quite a following at his previous place of employment. Who’d have thunk?

Thusly, The Dirty Thumb was borne out of the old HMVHumourList_bin Google Group.

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